What do you think are the ideal qualities in close friendships?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and had a long and involved post all written in my mind, but forget all that.  What do you think makes a friendship timeless? What makes it transcendent of shared or not-so-shared interests?  What qualities have you found both in yourself and in your friends that you think have contributed to the “hitting it off” factor?

It’s a subject I feel like I could one day write a book about.  Looking back over my life, I realize how blessed I have been to have had good friends at nearly every age.  Growing up, my rough-and-tumble friend was Michael.  Practically adopted brothers, we rode our bikes all over the neighborhood, explored every creek, nearly burnt down half the trees in his backyard, and we learned both how to throw and take punches.  At 14 – quite the awkward age for me – having just run away from home for a couple of days, going to a different high school than all my other friends, I was fortunate enough to connect with Frank, Keith, William, Tami, Alan and Alan (yep, two Alans!).  I had no idea how critical those friendships would be when, at the end of that year, my parents separated.  Not long after, I met Jaime who would soon become my step-brother.  High school turned to college, and I met Jon, Dawn & Micah (to name a few).  In the years to come I would meet Shawn, Kyle, Josh & my best friend and wife Stephanie.

I often wonder which friendships will remain timeless.  I am also constantly amazed at how resilient friendships can be (how many girls did we fight over, Alan?), and how quickly people can pleasantly surprise you (Jon, admit it, you wanted to punch me when we were on the road in St. Louis….I’m sure I deserved it.).

No two friendships are alike, of course.  But I think there are qualities that are common to all the successful frienships I’ve experienced.  I welcome your input on this list:

• Courage to be vulnerable, and the grace to allow others to feel safe in their vulnerability.
• Humility, and it’s close companion, forgiveness.
• Willingness to let the other teach you about their life and experience, and equal willingness to teach them as well.  Many of my closest friends do not necessarily share my deepest passions, but they’ve never been afraid to ask and listen, and I get the privilege of learning from (and listening to) them as well – even if their passions aren’t exactly mine.
• Shared moral values, and a commitment to stick to them.  Yes, this may sound quaint, but a common moral framework makes it possible to show respect, loyalty & love.  Without it, trust cannot exist, and everything boils down to pretense, manipulation and insecurity.
• Frequent communication.  (I might be biased here since “Time” is the primary way I perceive love according to the “Five Love Langauges” book….but I’ve never seen a relationship thrive that didn’t include time interacting.)

So – what do you think?  What would you add or remove from my list?